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In today’s installment of the Babbling Brook, we want to highlight the so-called “sandwich generation.” (No, this has nothing to do with preferring peanut butter and jelly over ham and cheese!) The sandwich generation refers to those adults who are both raising or supporting their own children (or providing financial support to an adult child) and have aging parents 65 or older—they are “sandwiched” in between the two.
People in the sandwich generation are frequently in their 40s and 50s, but can be found in multiple age groups. In 2021, 23 percent of all American adults were part of the sandwich generation, but 54 percent of adults in their 40s were both raising or supporting children and had parents aged 65 and older.
Being a part of the sandwich generation is just a classification—until those aging parents begin to need help. Whether it be care, financial assistance, or both, the candle can quickly begin to burn at both ends. If one’s parent or parents live out-of-town, it can become even more stressful handling child and parent care needs in two different places.
It should be noted that many times, the “sandwiched” adult also has a job. They must manage work obligations while being available for doctor appointments or other healthcare events for parents as well as day-to-day life with children, and all that entails. Functioning in the midst of all of these demands on one’s time and finances can take a huge mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical toll.
These tips, adapted from this article, are a starting point for those of us in the sandwich generation:
Let Go of Guilt
No matter how much you do, it often feels like it’s not enough. To let go of guilt, it may help to write down your tasks. Seeing them in black and white can help release unrealistic expectations. A therapist or other mental health professional can also help you develop healthy coping strategies.
It’s Okay to ‘Complain’
Don’t be afraid to confide in people about what you’re going through—they may be going through the same thing and their understanding can help validate your choices and get you through the day-to-day.
Create Space for Yourself
Whether it’s stepping outside for fresh air and a break from tasks, or shutting yourself in your closet to offer up a prayer, don’t neglect your own self-care. Figure out what ‘self-care’ truly means for you and make it a priority.
Widen Your Circle
Asking for help does not mean you are incompetent. It takes a village. Be willing to reach out to friends, your church family, neighbors, support groups, or the local senior center/Area Agency on Aging, etc. when you need it.
Redefine Success
Caregiver and author Amy Goyer shares this: “One day, I was feeling like a failure and I thought, ‘What can I do to change this feeling?’” Goyer recalls. Her answer was to shift her definition of success. “What am I 100 percent sure I’m great at? Being there. That’s success. Everything in life is a choice and you’re choosing to care—feel good about that, and remember the goal isn’t perfection, it’s resilience.”
Willow Brook may also be able to help. All three of our campuses offer short-term assisted living respite stays. This is a great option for your parent(s) to be cared for if you have to travel, take a vacation, or need to focus on your own health and well-being.
In addition, the Willow Brook by Day program is available at our Willow Brook Christian Village campus for older adults with cognitive impairments. A true day program, your loved one can come one day a week or more, and be home in the evenings. Transportation and financial support may be available—please call 740-369-5447 for more information.
Sandwich generation: we see you.